The Insanity of Schwarz
by Nagi
Summary: (Formerly "Crawford and the Wish of DOOM" ...but now there's another chapter.) It's lame, it's stupid... Just read it. R&R, please. n.n
1. Default Chapter

*Weeee... n.n My third fanfic... AND IT'S A COMEDY. :D -does the crazy "third fanfic" dance- ROFL.. anyway, I still do NOT ow Weiss Kruez.. ; oo; Enjoy.*  
  
/ / = thoughts o.o;  
  
Crawford and the Wish of DOOM  
  
*; Corny azz title.. XD*  
  
Crawford was seated at the dining room table, his legs crossed and arms folded over his chest. He raised a brow and watched as Schuldich came out of the kitchen, a huge black and white chocolate cake in his hands. "Did it really have to be that big?" He asked with the upmost interest... sort of.  
  
"Well, it IS Farfarello's birthday... or so he said. Not like we know but I figured 'Hell, why not? Everyone else has birthdays..' You, know? So... whatever. I baked a cake for him regardless. Candles and all." He smirked and set the cake on the center of the table. Seconds afterwards he struck a match and lit every one of the... really huge amount of candles. Well, he didn't count them.. he bought five boxes of... some amounts of black candles and just threw them all on.  
  
Farfarello was sitting at the oposite end of the table, drool dripping out of his mouth, "Fire hurts God... fire hurts God..." He chanted this for an unfathomable [] Wow. o.o;;; Big word [] amount of time before he leaned over the table and blew his candles out. He snicked as he made his wish... then dug his face into cake because, well... ruining cakes hurts God.  
  
Nagi slapped his forehead, how could Farf even do that? It was disgusting. /You freaking PIG, Farfarello. I hope you get food poisening and DIE./  
  
/Food poisening hurts God... GOD WILL CRY IF I DIE. Fooooooddd pooooiiissseeeennninnnggg../  
  
/Ugh...what did you wish for, anyway?/  
  
/Farfie never tell... CAUSE NOT TELLING HURTS GOD./  
  
/Right, okay./ Nagi raised a brow and stared at the Irishman who had dug his face into the cake. He could just faintly make out a little river of drool making it's way from the impounded cake to the table. His eyes went wide as he followed it's trail with his gaze... It was running off the table and into his lap. "DAMN YOU, FARFARELLO! KEEP YOUR DAMN DROOL IN YOUR MOUTH AND OFF OF MY PANTS." He slammed his fists on the table and stood up. "IT MADE ME LOOK LIKE I PISSED MYSELF, YOU DUMB FUCK!!! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU GOD DAMNED MANWHORE!! YOU PIECE OF SHIT!! I SWEAR!!"  
  
Schuldich blinked in confusion then pointed and laughed at the boy who wasn't having a good day, it seemed. Just then there was a bright light in which Crawford (who wasn't paying any mind to what was going on) was engulfed in. There was a flash... and the light disappeared, leaving Crawford in the chair.. dressed in a pink body suit and tutu and big faerie wings... with pink bows in his hair.  
  
Crawford's eyes narrowed in annoyance and he, too, stood up before noticing what he was wearing, "You damn idiots better stop playing with the damn lights before I TURN THE ELECTRICITY OFF."  
  
Nagi and Schuldich both looked at him... and broke out in fits of laughter (while pointing, of course). Crawford, confused by all this, looked down at what he had been wearing, "HOLY SHIT. WHAT THE HELL?!"  
  
"Hehehe," Farfarello snickered, "Pixie Crawford hurts God." He lifted his cake encrusted head from the cake and laughed "HURT GOD! HURT GOD!"  
  
"....I knew we should have NEVER let you have a birthday... I'M GOING TO *KILL* YOU." Crawfords distorted face got even more distorted as he made his way over to Farfarello, tutu and all. Farfarello blinked as he watched the American pause.  
  
"Wait.." Crawford said, "I have to fix something..." A hand went behind him and he (ironically.. ;) started pulling his bunched up panty-hose from his rear (for lack of better words.. ;). "Damn...panty hose... Anyw--"  
  
Before he continued he felt some cake hit his face... and slide off his chin and onto the floor. He raised an index finger into the air and said (with a BIG, godly voice...) "I *SHALL* KILL YOU FOR THAT, FARFARELLO!" He turned around, those cool eyes searching for something to throw in return.. Ah, yes, right on the floor was a Chinese vase. He bent over to pick it up... only to have that action returned with a hand slapping his rear and a little pinch.  
  
Schuldich snickered as he the proceeded to pull the others pink suit up (man..if Crawford thought he had a wedgie before... he's *really* going to have one now..) as far as it would go. "Nice ass, Braddy-pie... as if I hadn't already known.." He snickered once more and backed away from him in a rushed maner.  
  
Nagi's eyes went wide as he watched the two and then his cheeks flushed bright red as he saw the Americans rear. He passed out.  
  
"SCHULDICH!" Crawford dropped the vase and yelled before he straighted up and threw his hand in the German's way in attempt to smack him while he tried turning around. He failed miserably; his panty hose got caught on a leg of one of the chairs and he tripped and fell into the table. His face landed in the cake... He then happily sighed inwardly before he heard the table crack... and then snap. He fell to the floor along with the table.  
  
"HURT GOD HURT GOD HURT GOD!!!!!!!!" Farfarello was now twitching uncontrollably and smashing his head into a wall while babbling "Nakie Crawford.. Nakie Crawford. ...Hurt God hurt God."  
  
And then there was another flash and Crawford (who had managed to get up and start strangling Schuldich) was engulfed in yet another light... which soon disappeared and left a *really* nakie Crawford.  
  
Schuldich snickered as he realized his friend was now naked, "Yeah, that looks REALLY good on you." He winked and coughed before trying to regain air.  
  
Crawford was still strangling Schuldich when Nagi got up... and was ignoring what the German said.  
  
Nagi blinked, took one look at Crawford.. and his jaw dropped. He pointed at him, raised his free hand to his mouth.. and spoke (;; heh..) "OH MY *GOD*!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!" ... and then he passed back out.  
  
Crawford blinked and glanced at Nagi as the boy passed out. He.. thought he felt a breeze... and so he looked down. There was a blood curdling scream that followed.  
  
Schuldich then snickered and dragged the American upstairs and into his bedroom where he ravished the hell out of him for hours on end.  
  
*XDXDXD Funny? x.o; Please review. XD* 


	2. Farfarello and the Blender

*Um..still dun own Weiss. o.o; XD*  
  
Farfarello and the Blender.  
  
"I love you too," Farfarello said while addressing the blender infront of him. He slowly carressed it then nodded, "I understand. I will go and get her... er, him... er....it as soon as I can, okay?" He was in love with the blender for some odd reason, and believed 'she' could talk to him.The whole situation had left Nagi, Crawford, and Schuldich staring in disbelief and bewilderment from afar.  
  
"Does he know that's a blender?" Nagi asked, turning to face Schuldich.  
  
"I'm... not sure," the German said, raising a brow.  
  
Crawford didn't say anything, he just stared at the irishman with the most confused look on his face.  
  
"I think..I can go now..To the store..where it is.." Farfarello leaned over and kissed the blenders 'forehead' before grabbing his coat off of the nearby chair and then he headed for the door. "She wants some cookies," he said, "She wants home-made ones. Chocolate Chip. I'll be back soon."  
  
"But it's a BLENDER, Farfarello, B-L-E-N-D-E-R." Nagi spelled the word out.. feeling that it would get his point across.  
  
"SHE IS NOT A BLENDER. SHE IS MY WIFE AND A MOTHER TO OUR CHILD!"  
  
"I don't even -want- to know how it got pregnant..." Schu said while slowly backing away from Farfarello. Crawford was still too shocked to say and/or do anything half intelligent besides stand there with his mouth hanging agape. Gee, I bet he looked like a -real- leader.  
  
"I AM NOT BAKING COOKIES FOR A BLENDER, FARFARELLO."  
  
"YOU WILL BAKE! AND YOU WILL ENJOY DOING IT! I will be back, honey-muffin." And with that Farfie stormed outside and headed for Walley World where he had heard there was a sale going on for mini-blenders.  
  
"What...the hell...?"  
  
"I don't know. And I am not baking. Farfie can bake his own damn cookies."  
  
"You should bake them."  
  
"No. YOU bake them."  
  
"You."  
  
"YOU."  
  
"YOU, DAMN YOU! YOU!!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"NO. NO. A THOUSAND TIMES NO."  
  
"...I hate you."  
  
Nagi smirked, "Feeling's mutual."  
  
"...I think I'm going to take some pills and go visit a psychiatrist because what I've just seen and heard... That could NOT have actually been happening..." Crawford mumbled as he left the room and headed to the bathroom to look for some pills, "It must be all this damn stress I'm under... why me? Why do I have to go psycho...?"  
  
"...Has he gone over the edge?"  
  
"Almost. Poor leedah dood."  
  
"Um... Schuldich, how old are you again?"  
  
"....Grrr...."  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
Farfarello hummed as he looked through the selection of all the current styles of the 'new, improved' mini-blenders. He just wasn't getting that 'vibe' from either one of them... So he decided to take -all- of the mini- blenders and put them in his cart. He then headed to a checkout line, eyeing a nun as he did so. Nuns were evil.  
  
"Close your eyes, children... If you look her in the eye then you'll become evil just like her and I'll have to kill you." He continued to eye the nun who had been unconciously staring at the psycho from afar. Smirking as he began to unload his 'children' from his cart and onto the moving belt thingy (He didn't know what it was... all he knew was that it moved. o.O;), he began to humm the tune of 'The Nun Fell Down the Hill and Broke Her Neck.'  
  
Now, a whole hell of a lot of mini-blenders (quite possible all that were in the store...) was not something the cashier had ever seen before. He raised a brow and looked at Farfarello, "Um... do you really need all these blenders, sir?"  
  
"They're my children." Farfarello stated as he patted the last blender on it's 'head.' "My wife told me to come and get them, aren't they adorable?"  
  
"Wife? Would she happen to be a..."  
  
"Blender? To most, but not to me. Inter-racial marriges hurt God."  
  
"Yes.. okay then.." The worried cashier carefully handled the man's 'children' and placed them into bags before setting them in the cart. He accepted the cash Farfarello offered and watched as the Irishman walked out of the store.  
  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
"Holy...hell...what the fuck...?" Schuldich stared at all the blenders which had been clothed in baby outfits and each given their own little toys. "How did you pay for all this?"  
  
"Remember that money of yours that's been missing..."  
  
"You fucking MAN WHORE. I WILL KILL YOU." Schu then lept at the man and wrapped his hands around the others neck. "BEG FOR MERCY!! BEG FOR MERCY!!!"  
  
"NEVAA!!"  
  
...Crawford had been sneaking over to the mommy blender with a hammer in his hand. He raised it up into the air and brought it down upon the poor, unsuspecting inanimate object. Yes, there was even that big huge smashing sound.  
  
"IIE!!!!!!" Farfarello, screamed, trying to break away from the German who had now began to pinch him in many, many places.  
  
"Oh well... She's dead. Now for the rest..."  
  
There was a whole lot of screaming. Farfie was tied to a chair which was in turn super glued to the wall and Crawford and Schu were smashing all the little blenders.  
  
~Owari~  
  
Rawr. That sucked. XD!!! 


End file.
